When Someone Steals Your Coat
It's a cold night in your city, like really fucking cold. So naturally you would choose to wear your heaviest coat (that just so happens to be your favorite coat) when going out.
Fast forward several hours and you're doing shots with friends, drinking like a fish and not incorporating food into the mix. This makes for an interesting evening because anything could really happen. Next thing you remember is doing Kareoke in a dive bar with friends. When you arrived at this bar, you had your coat. Since the bar is not packed, you and your friends decide to stake out a table to drape everyone's coat on.
Once the Karaoke buzz has wore off and you realize (in your drunken mind) that if you don't make a run for it now, you'll be stuck there till close and that just won't be pretty because they don't serve food. So, like any rationally-drunk person would do, you wobble over to the table that was holding all the coats only to find that your coat is not there. Although drunk, you are certain your coat is not there and you start to panic (because you really loved that fucking coat) and say to your friends, "I think someone took my coat!"
They reply with, "No, I'm sure it's here. Did you check the coat pile?"
That infuriates you because you clearly just did and you go from drunk and upset to drunk and violently angry. So to show them that yes, you have checked all the coats, you begin going through everyone's coat in the bar and by "going through" I mean picking up each and every coat between your thumb and forefinger screaming, "NOT MY COAT!" before dropping each one on the floor. When the other people realize that their coats are now on the floor, they are really not sure how to react. But honestly, after taking one look at you getting crazy up in that bar, chances are they are going to pick up their coat and not say a damn thing.
At this point you are screaming at the top of your lungs, "SOME BITCH STOLE MY FUCKING COAT!!! WHO STEALS A COAT?? I'M GOING TO KILL SOMEONE!!!"
Then, without asking (of course) you rip the microphone out of someones hand and announce to the entire bar that someone stole your coat and they better give it fucking back. True Story.
You storm out of the bar determined that some bitch is walking around the city in YOUR coat. You run home, luckily your only a block from the house and scream to your (now) startled husband, "BABY SOME BITCH STOLE MY COAT!!!! I'M SO UPSET!" And cue the tears..."I J-U-S-T W-A-N-T M-Y F-U-C-K-I-N-G C-O-A-T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Luckily your husband, who is NOT drunk makes a few phone calls and realizes that no, no one stole his wife's coat. One of your other friends accidentally took the coat in a drunken stupor and is now currently wearing it. Nice.
Fast forward several hours and you're doing shots with friends, drinking like a fish and not incorporating food into the mix. This makes for an interesting evening because anything could really happen. Next thing you remember is doing Kareoke in a dive bar with friends. When you arrived at this bar, you had your coat. Since the bar is not packed, you and your friends decide to stake out a table to drape everyone's coat on.
Once the Karaoke buzz has wore off and you realize (in your drunken mind) that if you don't make a run for it now, you'll be stuck there till close and that just won't be pretty because they don't serve food. So, like any rationally-drunk person would do, you wobble over to the table that was holding all the coats only to find that your coat is not there. Although drunk, you are certain your coat is not there and you start to panic (because you really loved that fucking coat) and say to your friends, "I think someone took my coat!"
They reply with, "No, I'm sure it's here. Did you check the coat pile?"
That infuriates you because you clearly just did and you go from drunk and upset to drunk and violently angry. So to show them that yes, you have checked all the coats, you begin going through everyone's coat in the bar and by "going through" I mean picking up each and every coat between your thumb and forefinger screaming, "NOT MY COAT!" before dropping each one on the floor. When the other people realize that their coats are now on the floor, they are really not sure how to react. But honestly, after taking one look at you getting crazy up in that bar, chances are they are going to pick up their coat and not say a damn thing.
At this point you are screaming at the top of your lungs, "SOME BITCH STOLE MY FUCKING COAT!!! WHO STEALS A COAT?? I'M GOING TO KILL SOMEONE!!!"
Then, without asking (of course) you rip the microphone out of someones hand and announce to the entire bar that someone stole your coat and they better give it fucking back. True Story.
You storm out of the bar determined that some bitch is walking around the city in YOUR coat. You run home, luckily your only a block from the house and scream to your (now) startled husband, "BABY SOME BITCH STOLE MY COAT!!!! I'M SO UPSET!" And cue the tears..."I J-U-S-T W-A-N-T M-Y F-U-C-K-I-N-G C-O-A-T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Luckily your husband, who is NOT drunk makes a few phone calls and realizes that no, no one stole his wife's coat. One of your other friends accidentally took the coat in a drunken stupor and is now currently wearing it. Nice.
Labels: coats, drunk people, kareoke, stolen coat, stolen coats, when someone steals your coat, winter coat
posted by Liz at 4:25 PM
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