The Emergency-Exit Seat

If you've traveled on a plane in the past, your bound to have noticed the lovely "emergency exit row" seats and how much more spacious they are then regular seats!

A few years ago, these seats were any ones game, but now with the economy in the toilet, airlines are making you pay extra for one of these large seats.

Lucky for me, I got to sit in one on my last traveling excursion and I did not have to pay extra... I only had to deal with the humiliation.

Since I had not sat in one of these seats for years, I was not accustomed to the new "policies" that come alone with sitting in the "emergency exit row seat."

As I settled in and tried to doze off, I could faintly hear the flight attendant making her usual safety announcements which I could probably recite by now from all the thousands of times I've heard them.

The next thing I knew, the attendant (female) was standing next to me, looking down on me... literally.

I opened my eyes to, "Excuse me... ma'am...??"

"Yes?" I asked.

"You do realize that your sitting in the emergency exit row, right?"

"Yes," I hesitated... I am well aware of this bitch and no, I'm not paying!!!
"Well, are you aware of the responsibilities that go along with sitting in the emergency exit row seat?"

(Long pause)........"Yes................?????" I said again... hesitantly.

"So you're aware that if this plane goes down, we'll be calling on you to assist us."

At this point, I did not know if I should be annoyed, afraid or if this was a straight up joke.

This ego-tripped attendant assured me, this was no joke.

"Okay ma'am, are you familiar with the procedure to remove one of these doors in case of an emergency?"

Hmm, as a matter of fact, NO... I have no fucking CLUE how to remove one of these doors, since... OH... let me think... I'VE NEVER BEEN IN A PLANE CRASH NOR HAVE I BEEN THROUGH "FLIGHT-ATTENDANT SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!"

So needless to say, once this all ran through my head, I figured, I better let her show me how because God for bit this damn plane go down... I then scanned around the plane secretly plotting in my head who I could call on to take my place in the event of an "emergency."

As I thought about it, I also though, wait a minute... who the FUCK thought it was a good idea to allow regular passengers with NO experience what-so-ever to all of a sudden be in charge of everyone's lives and CLEARLY the most precious and highly important features of the plane??? Seriously? Who thought THAT was a good idea???

Needless to say, this woman went through blow by blow how to remove the doors in case of an emergency. I tried listening but was rather annoyed and humiliated by her attitude. Would she have acted this way with a 300 pound man? Probably not. She was rude the rest of the time on the plane and NO, it didn't go down. Lucky for not only me, but the rest of the passengers.

Eating at the Airport

It just so happens that I seem to get most inspired to blog while I'm at the airport. There are just so many people all at once, you can't help but have a run-in with someone silly.

Have you ever paid attention to people while their eating at the airport? Whether it's alone in a booth or sitting at the gate, people eating at the airport is hilarious.

It's the strangest thing because once you notice it, it never stops. Everyone is huddled around their food like they have gone back in cave times and they feel the need to guard their precious rations.

They just keep inhaling their meal as fast as humanly possible and every few seconds, stopping to look up and see whose trying to steal their food.

I just think it's the weirdest thing since I don't really notice these behaviors as much as I do while at the airport.

Maybe all the travel brings out the animal instinct in all of us... so watch out... never know whose watching you eat... at the airport.