Picking Up After Your Dog

If you have a dog, you most likely know and understand the standard and expected procedures that are required while walking your dog: No dogs off the leash and PICK UP YOUR DOGS POO!

That being said, there are always those people who don't follow either rule and some that follow almost all of them.

In my particular neighborhood, there must be a small group of people who thought they wanted to know what it felt like to be "rebels." So instead of not picking up their dogs poo at all, they pick it up, place it into a "doggie-bag," neatly tie the bag... and this is where it gets weird; instead of throwing the bag into the nearest trashcan, which are on every corner, they decide throw it onto the sidewalk in random places. So now you have all of these neatly tied bags of dog poo scattered all over the neighborhood... WTF?

It seriously makes NO sense whatsoever and it makes me angrier to see those neatly tied bags everywhere  than seeing piles of dog shit!

I have to think that these "doggie-poo-bag" people must be stuck in their cubicle all day, hating the world and themselves, plotting how their going to get back at their city for raising taxes and not cleaning up the streets like they promised. Then they had a revelation, "I'll show them!" As they tie those bags, it becomes clear, "Take that city! F-U!"

Then each day as they walk past their bags, still strewn about the neighborhood, they smile to themselves knowing that their mark will stay there for weeks, even months to come! Because let's face it, who is REALLY going to pick that up and throw it away? Mission Accomplished.

Get a life people... THROW THE BAGS AWAY!!!

European Languages and Translation

I've been to Europe more times than I can count on both hands. Bragger? Yes... mildly, but that's not the point. Most of the time, all of the people I was surrounded by spoke little to no English. Since I'm a genius at languages, I thought I would share some important tips to learn before traveling abroad.

First, there will usually be one person around that is able to translate... however sometimes the translation from that language is not exact which can make things uncomfortable... thus the following examples of things that people have actually said to me (with huge smiles on their face):

- You look like Pocahontas.

- You look very bony.

- You look thick.

- You look sick.

- You look tired.

- You look sexual.

Now, I know that these translations are pretty harsh/weird according to our standards however you just have to laugh it off since once these things are said, you look at the person and they are smiling from ear to ear... so they are not trying to offend, just make smalltalk. Remember, some things just get lost in translation.

Top Tips for Learning a New Language:

When traveling to a country where you have NO idea of the language. It's always a good idea to go prepared and by prepared I do NOT mean learning how to say things like, "Where is the bathroom," "Where can I buy food," "I need an aspirin," and so on. Those things can easily be acted out and turned into a hilarious story for later use.

The types of things you want to learn how to say are things that will completely throw everyone off guard thus making them bust up laughing which then makes it seem like you are the coolest American that they have ever met and before you know it, everyone will be telling you that you speak fluent (whatever the language is).

Examples:

- "Where is the party?"
-  Just start calling everyone "lover" in their language. It will really get them going.
- "I'm hungry." Blurt this out mid-conversation and your sure to get some laughs... it also makes you seem really cute.
- Figure out the word for "over dramatic," and use it as much as possible.
- "I have black hair." Your sure to get a few "BRAVOS"
- "I don't care" just say this when someone is in a deep conversation.
- "I like cake."
- "Do you have any drugs?"
- "Let's go for a walk in the mountains."
- "I like wild dogs."
- " Do you like boozing?"

You get the picture. The best way to figure out how to say these things is 1. a dictionary. 2. Alta vista babel fish translator. :-)

Have fun with it... and good luck!